It was as I was falling asleep that God shared it with me.
You see, the last month and a half has consisted of interviews, applications, portfolios, searching for jobs and praying–lots of praying.
If you’ve ever gone through a job search you know how many emotions you can experience in a single day. Fear, insecurities, doubt, excitement, hope, nervousness, exhaustion. They’re all part of the process.
What I Thought
This one night as I was falling asleep, I had this deep understanding that God is in complete control of my future. Of course I always knew this, but it took on a new meaning when my life felt like such a blank slate.
Due to my husband’s new job, I’m in a new city, a new home, a new community, and God can take me in any direction he chooses. I knew wouldn’t get an interview, a job or even an offer without him causing it to happen. I was completely at his mercy.
This was a powerful realization, and I was so thankful to be in a season where God could change my path at any moment and point me in the direction he would have me go.
I felt how real his control was over my life — this was a fresh start. And I was excited.
This all had me feeling pretty smart and wise in my prayer. I mean that’s pretty deep right?
And then God…
What happened next is hard to describe partly because I was nearing deep sleep and partly because it’s difficult to describe the moment when you hear God talking to your soul.
The sense came over me that God, my Father, my Pappa was grinning at me with his head tilted to the side, his eyes full of sweet pity. He looked at me the way any dad would look at a five-year-old who is working so hard to understand something she’s not mature enough to grasp.
That child thought she was a genius, but God was thinking “oh that’s so cute.”
Then I heard him say, almost as if he was in the room (not audibly, I just heard him in my heart) Kirsten Elsa, I’m always this much in control of your life. I could change anything I want about your life at any moment whether you felt like it was fresh start or not.
Talk about a humbling eye-opening moment. Of course he is in total control, and how silly of me to only realize it when I was waiting for his direction.
Today is a Big Day
Today, I start that new job I’ve been praying about for weeks and months.
True to his word, he faithfully provided an opportunity and is pointing my life in the direction he wants me to go. And while all the emotions I had during the search are still lingering, I know he is holding this new job, this new opportunity in his hands and guiding me through it.
God is Always in Command
If I had the next five years of my life meticulously planned out it wouldn’t matter. If he wanted to take me in a new direction, he could. He doesn’t need to wait for a “blank slate season” to change the course of my life.
This new understanding was a beautiful reminder of his power, his sovereignty and his heart.
God is Always Good
Perhaps the most wonderful thing about learning this lesson is that he never caused me to feel foolish.
It was a gift to hear from him and learn more about his character, and even though I was thinking about it wrong, he didn’t make me feel bad about it.
He just gave me a fatherly shake of the head and a smile that said, “I love that you’re trying.”
Following His Lead
So as I head into my first day of work at a new job, I know God is just as much in control of my future as when I was a blank slate applying for jobs. Heck, he could cause me to lose this job within a week if he so desired.
But I also head into this season knowing God is about to do something big. Although it’s all new to me, nothing is new to him. And I cannot wait to see what he already sees.
Will you join me in entrusting your entire future to the one who knows you better than you know yourself?
A person’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand their own way? — Proverbs 20:24 (NIV)
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