Ever since I started my new job a few months ago, I’ve been stuck in this trap of thinking I need to learn anything and everything now. Nothing can wait until later. In fact, I should have already known everything before I was given this job, but I didn’t. Now, I have it and need to prove I’m capable of doing it well.
It seems all the opportunities I want in life are coming to me before I’m ready for them. This is exactly the job I was wanting, but I didn’t exactly feel ready to take it so early in my career. I wanted to get into freelance opportunities someday, but I didn’t image it would happen right now.
I’m not complaining in the least bit. In fact, I’m very excited and I’m more driven to pursue these goals than I ever have been before, but it just seems to all be happening at once. Life is speeding by and I am sprinting to catch up.
This rushed feeling is increased by the fact that Justin is completing grad school in one year. Now the pressure is really on. In one year I better have things figured out. What if he finds a job somewhere else and I need to start applying for new jobs? By that time I should probably be qualified to do the job I’m currently doing, otherwise no one will take me seriously. Or maybe at that time I’d want to do more freelance work? Well I better establish myself more competitively so I can do this. But is it possible to do all of this in one year?
I have so much to learn, and I absolutely love learning. I wake up early every day to spend time in God’s word, read a book, work on my freelance job, blog, listen to podcasts, or whatever else I’m pursuing at the time. I love challenging myself to do better. I’m very driven.
Sometimes though, my drive is a mask to cover the insecurities I feel about my career path.
God constantly reminds me to rest IN HIM. I often forget what that looks like. I get so caught up in what is happening in my life, I don’t remember eternal things.
We talked last week in our Gospel Community about how, often times, we pursue Jesus for selfish reasons. I pursue him because he gives me rest, because he shows me love, because he forgives me, because he’ll help me calm my emotions, because I’ll improve my relationships on earth with his help and so on. When in reality Jesus is the treasure. Above all else we’re seeking him. We are rewarded for our faith with his presence, his person, not his gifts. The treasure is Jesus. The rest, love, forgiveness, emotions, and improved relationships are a bi-product of encountering his presence.
This is such an important lesson for me to remember as I struggle to feel like I’m catching up with life. Jesus is better. He is better than any promotion I’ll ever receive, he’s better than any aspect of my career, my relationships, or my life. He’s better than we can ever imagine, and that’s the goal. To be with Jesus, to look more like him, to encounter his presence.
When I put the self-inflicted pressure of my career goals in perspective with these truths, I’m reminded how insignificant it all is. As long as I have the creator of the universe, I have a source of identity, confidence and security which I will never obtain through my career, no matter how hard I work.
While I can work my butt off to advance my knowledge and career, I can’t do anything to earn his love. He graciously gives this as a gift, and I can only look to him in awe.
However you might be feeling overwhelmed in life, know that he is better. He may be invisible, but his power, his love, and his mercy are not. He is eternal and more mighty than we will ever know. Don’t chase after everything in this life except the most important thing there is. God alone is the prize you are seeking. Only he can satisfy every need you have. Run to him.