Faith My Thoughts work

How my Insecurities Glorify God

I want to be perfectly qualified, experienced and confident in my ability. I want to love what I'm doing and know I'm good at it. But I'm no where close. I'm pretty good at faking it, but secretly I'm still dreading the day my coworkers figure out just how little I know. I really am not the best person for my job. This week I came to the realization this is actually a good thing. In fact, it's a very good thing. Let me explain.

 

I’ve been in my new job now for two months. Even though I’m glaringly under-qualified, inexperienced and seriously lack confidence at times, I’m somehow managing to convince people I know what I’m doing. I want so badly to do this job well. I want to be perfectly qualified, experienced and confident in my ability. I want to love what I’m doing and know I’m good at it. But I’m no where close. I’m pretty good at faking it, but secretly I’m still dreading the day my coworkers figure out just how little I know. I really am not the best person for my job.

This week I came to the realization this is actually a good thing. In fact, it’s a very good thing. Let me explain.

On Friday, I was on a tour of a local elementary school. My coworker and I were there to make some connections, offer ourselves as resources and remind the employees we’re here to support them. Throughout the conversation with the principal I learned some of the real needs  and struggles of these students. I learned over 30 percent of them are on the free and reduced lunch program. I learned a third grader was researching gang symbols online. I learned families were at risk of being cut from the Christmas gift program because of lack of funding.

At this point, I set aside my “professional” role and spoke to the principal about connecting him with some of the people from my church. I know people who are looking to help others in this very type of situation. That’s when I felt it.

I felt the anxiety, the pressure, the insecurities, the fear of being found out. I felt the truth of never being good enough or smart enough or qualified enough to perform this job well. And I felt God use me anyway.

God reminded me in a practical, tangible way he has placed me in this role not because I know what I’m doing, but because he does. Not because I’m good, but because he is. I’m not here to show others how much I know about marketing, but how much He knows about them. How he listens to everything. How he cares about everyone. How he is working all things for our good. How he has saved me and he wants to save you.

I know this connection I have made was planned by God. I know this because like I said before, I am vastly under-qualified for this job. I don’t have nearly enough experience or confidence in my abilities as a marketer. But somehow I still have this job. And without this job I never would have stepped foot inside this elementary school. And without stepping foot inside this elementary school, I would never have met the principal, or heard these stories, or brought his information to our church family. I couldn’t have done all of this on my own. Only God could have planned it all.

God has reminded me this week, it’s not about me. Feeling boastful or proud are not the only ways to make something about yourself. I’ve focused on my weaknesses so much lately I failed to remember those are the very things he uses to make something beautiful. Without our weaknesses, what need would we have for his strengths?

Typically, I look for ways to take what I learn in my walk with God and apply it to my life. But this time something happened in my life which taught me more about who he is and who I am.

I am a marketer in desperate need of God’s grace, because I have this filthy human tendency to make everything about me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be chasing this job for years to come. I’ll be working my butt off to learn as much as I can, and I’ll challenge myself every day. I won’t squander the gift he’s given me.

But from here on out, I’ll remember every single one of my weaknesses was placed in me so I would never forget how desperately I need a God who saves. Including each and every weakness related to my job. A lot of us long to know our purpose in the world. How can I use my job for the Lord? How do I balance my faith and my work? How can I glorify him when I’m not good at what I do?

Remember, every weakness you have is a gift from God. He loves you too much to allow you to settle for anything less than perfection. And he is the only perfect thing. He created you, weaknesses and all, in a specific way to remind you how much you need him. One of the best ways to see how much we need him, is to see just how weak you really are.

Thank you Father, for allowing us to trade our weaknesses for your strengths.

KirstenElsa

 

1 comment on “How my Insecurities Glorify God

  1. Pingback: Extra verses to remember by The Zeal for the Name to be proclaimed – Belgian Ecclesia Brussel – Leuven

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